“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Trust.
A word that many of us wrestle with at least once in our lifetimes, we often see trust as the key to our happiness. Having loved ones we trust makes us feel safe and gives us a sense of belonging that cannot be replaced by any material thing - alarm systems or membership cards. Betrayal can be one of the most challenging experiences that a person has. As a result of these betrayals - no matter how big or small - many of us experience times where we lack trust in others, sometimes dismissively labelled by others as “trust issues”, which can have a damaging impact on our relationships and wellbeing, lead to depression and anxiety, and even affect the way we see ourselves.
So what is the secret to building healthy trust?
There is no one-click fix and neither is there a one-size-fits-all approach: different methods of building trust work for different individuals. By meditating regularly, though, we can develop the self-awareness to nurture a healthy attitude towards trust - starting with our own trust in ourselves, before looking to extend this to our trust in others.
How To Meditate To Build Self-Trust
There are many meditations for trust that we love to practise here at Dragonfly - but we especially love Tamara Levitt’s meditation for self-trust. Here is our own guided meditation, with the wise words of many meditation leaders included along the way.
Start in a comfortable position - we find a seated position to be best, either with crossed legs on the floor or upright on a chair, with a small cushion placed between your lower back and the chair to keep you supported, and your bare feet flat on the ground.
Close your eyes. Notice any points of tension in the body, and breathe in to these muscles - avoid the temptation to force your muscles into relaxation, it is enough to simply notice where the body is tense and use the breath to encourage relaxation. Unstick the tongue from the roof of the mouth, and allow a soft smile to smooth the jaw. Breathe in the forehead; give the facial muscles permission to soften and melt.
We like to use box breathing to help us focus on our breath at the beginning of the meditation: breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, breathe out for a count of four, hold for four - then repeat. The breathing creates a kind of box pattern, with the holds at each end of the breath.
Practise square breathing for four or five breaths, then allow your natural breathing pattern to return. Keep the focus on your breath - it can help to try to pinpoint the moment when an exhale turns into an inhale, and when an inhale turns into an exhale.
Maintain this focus for around two to three minutes - when the mind wanders and other thoughts begin to distract, don’t worry or berate yourself… remember that the mind is a busy place, so distraction is bound to happen, and gently bring your thoughts back to focus on the breath with no judgement or criticism for drifting concentration. Judging ourselves for not doing the meditation “right” is counterproductive; instead, offer yourself the self-compassion you deserve and keep gently tugging your thoughts back to the breath. Notice if any thoughts in particular create strong feeling or emotional reaction, but no need to feel the need to ‘fix’ these thoughts.
One great way to visualise passing thoughts, is by imagining you are sitting by the side of a motorway - which Andy Puddicombe narrates in his guided mediation app, Headspace. Your thoughts are the passing cars, and your role is simply to observe those thoughts coming and going. Some will be noisier and seem more dangerous than others: avoid the temptation to try to run into the road and control the traffic… if you imagine the effect of this in real-life, this would do far more harm than good! Instead, simply keep track of the thoughts as they pass, noticing if similar thoughts tend to pass with greater frequency or speed than others. This visualisation often helps us to distance ourselves from our thoughts, and understand that they are passing - we do not have to be defined by them, or allow them to control the way we feel.
At this point in the meditation, loosen your grip a little on your concentration, allowing the mind to go where it wants to for a minute.
We often lose trust in ourselves through decisions or choices we make, which don’t have the desired outcome. It is much easier to remember when our choices have ended in an undesirable outcome, than it is to remember when our choices have led us to great things. One way to develop trust through meditation, is to practise the exercise of recalling times when your choices have led to positive outcomes, even unexpectedly so, and remembering in detail your feelings at the time of the positive outcome and how you made a choice that achieved it.
There will always be times when you have made a good choice, but these can be harder to recall for some who really feel lacking in self-trust. If you feel you cannot remember any, then focus simply on the right here, right now: thank yourself for taking the time to make the positive choice that has led you to meditation practice and the intention to rebuild trust that this choice represents. After the meditation, it can help to speak to a loved one - ask them to recall a good choice that you made, and the impact that this choice had. You may find a choice you made had a profoundly positive impact on somebody’s life, without even realising!
To bring the meditation to a close, come back to the breath. When you’re ready, become aware again of the floor beneath your feet, the sounds in your immediate surroundings, and slowly open your eyes.
The Best Yoga Classes for Building Trust
It’s best to meditate little and often - the ten minutes you spend at the beginning of a day can go far to settle your mind for the rest of it.
Meditation is included as part of yoga practice, and as meditation develops trust in the mind, yoga practice helps to root trust in your body. Our classes always include elements of meditation - why not try a Yin yoga class to help you begin your journey into meditation? Having an expert to guide you through the meditation can be a great way to begin the habit of meditation - we love Laura’s Sunday Yin yoga class here at Dragonfly to help us de-stress, and set us in the right frame of mind for the week ahead.
Above all, remember that in order to develop a healthy attitude towards trusting others, you must first trust yourself. This is not an overnight change: trust, as Brene Brown writes, is built in small moments, and once built, can be the key to a life of bravery and whole-heartedness.
Start your journey to building healthy trust today, by visiting our timetable to join a class - either in our newly refurbished studio, or online.